I stayed at Dad’s for a couple of weeks before we had a big fight and I asked my new man friend who my dad introduced to me to take me to my mom’s place in Corsicana; this was a different guy. She’d just moved into a house with my youngest sister and her dad. I wasn’t looking forward to the arguments that I anticipated there, but I also didn’t see a better option. I couldn’t sleep on the bed so I’d sleep on the floor beside the bed in a small space similar to a prison cell like I was used to for the last two years. I had a hard time sleeping for quite a while. I’d often wake up, or be real restless without a job or anything to keep my mind occupied.
My youngest sister and I did not get along. She was pregnant and I was unbalanced to say the least. I had many struggles living there. There was always beer in the fridge, men all around, and I had yet to find a church home. My lowest points happened around this time, and I did several stupid and sinful things. I had yet to realize who I was as a Christian, as a woman of God. I didn’t love or respect my body as God’s holy temple to be used for sex only in marriage. Satan was all over my weaknesses.
During this time of lows I contracted two STDs (Sexually Transmitted Diseases), which I didn’t find out about until when I was pregnant with my first baby boy. I was a fool and I acted foolishly, but God was forgiving and gracious with His love and mercy.
After attending AA meetings for several weeks I had decided to see what Christian groups there was, like there was in Austin, TX and I found Celebrate Recovery. I went three times and I was invited to a Bible study at Calvary Worship Center in Corsicana, TX. I went and met a few people.
The one person who’d made the greatest impact in my life was Christina. She was a godly Christian woman who had encouraged me to be abstinent until marriage. I’d honestly never met anyone who had the pure heart and simple conviction that she had. I was inspired and began asking God to help me with this because I knew how wrong it was for me to be with guys outside of marriage- as a new Christian woman.
I loved going to church at CWC and many spiritual strongholds in my heart were being healed during the first few weeks of going there. I continued to struggle with my lust of the flesh, and I had prayed to God that I could either be single without these struggles or be faithfully married to a faithful and Godly husband. I had already been engaged twice now and decided to step back from being in any relationships. I now wanted more than anything God’s very best for my life and for me; I wanted to follow His plans this time around.
I continued going to AA, celebrate recovery, and church. One day I decided to just leave the drama where I was staying and as I was walking I came to a woman’s house from Calvary Worship Center. She ministered to me & calmed me down enough to know who I needed to call and talk to, and her name was Toula. Toula picked me up and we went for pie. After telling her a bit about my living situation and struggles she offered me a place to stay. I accepted and soon I was living in a nice, big house all on my own for $100 a month and college finally started which I had been approved for financial aid while I was in prison and was just waiting for the semester to start. Now I was away from the beer, men, and sinful atmosphere and it was up to me to choose Jesus over my flesh. I asked God for a husband, I had even listed the qualities I wanted him to have. One day at church God gave me a message to give to a guy there so I went and I told him what he wanted me to say, and then we prayed together. Not too much later after, that man & me started being friends. We would go for walks, read in the bible, and go to church together. I later found out that God had used me to convict him to get clean and sober. I liked Joseph a lot and I had prayed that he was the one I’d been praying for to be my husband.
Joseph proposed to me on Halloween day and we were married on January 9th, 2010. I gave birth to our first son on July 19th, 2010. We were young in the Lord, in love, and foolishly in-love; but God turned our foolishness into a marriage and two wonderful, handsome sons because of His great grace and love!
I wouldn’t wish my past struggles on anyone, but I can tell you this: if you realize what you need is God’s plans for you- no matter how many mistakes you’ve made, He will deliver you. He is our Deliverer, Redeemer, Saviour, and God of the whole universe and He loves us all so much.
Happy Anniversary, Joseph! I’m so glad God chose you to be my husband! Here’s to another year of God’s mercy & grace in our lives together as we serve God and each other sharing our struggles and God’s mercy with you through Words of Encouragement each month of 2014.
- sleep in all day because you can?
- loose an interest in life?
- struggle with depression and feeling alone?
- frequently ask ourselves what am I going to do today?
- Look at words from another translation if you can’t find. NKJV
- look up in a separate reference book
- Look up words broken down.
"If you look for me wholeheartedly you will find me." Jeremiah 29:13
"Those who are dominated by the sinful nature think about sinful things, but those who are controlled by the Holy Spirit think about things that please the Spirit." Romans 8:5 Read all of Romans 8-10 for a thorough understanding of what the Lord is saying as He showed me this morning my people are in captivity by their own thoughts, by their lack of devotion to me, by not participating in the Lords Supper in our church we are not unified but many are following the God's of this world and putting God on hold.
1 Corinthians 11:23-30 The Lords Supper
"What is important is faith expressing itself in love." We are given freedom not to sin against God and each other but to extend God's hand of grace given to us to everyone else, "we are to use our freedom to serve on another in love." Galatians 5:6, 13