From Wonderer to Saved by Grace
Kim Fincher's Personal Testimony
Their's many ways or details that I could add or edit from my personal story so today will be a unique tale of my experiences some before and some after I was saved and accepted Jesus Christ as my Personal Lord and Saviour either way know that was the decision that changed my whole life and why I'm sending this letter out to you today so all credit of my present life goes to Christ who redeemed me, saved me and gave me a new life.
I am 35 born 9-27-1979 in Athens, TX which is 45 min from where I live now in Corsicana, TX. I didn't grow up in a Christian home that went to church. At a young age I did go to a church briefly as a friend of my grandmother would take us and she would attend sometimes too I think but I chose to stop going stating that it was boring n the kids were mean. My parents did have a tradition of saying a bed time prayer it wasn't personal just memorized and my Dad made us pray before eating for a brief time I believe but that wasn't at all a pleasant memory. My parents divorced when I was 12 before then their were lots of violent fights with yelling, cussing, hitting, and screaming we would be told to go to our rooms during these times. My dad was an alcoholic at the time who would be abusive during his drunkenness. My mom didn't get custody of us so we were forced to live with my Dad which I hated at the time and I felt that my mom didn't love us and abandoned us. My dad stopped drinking at some point but he continued to spank us up until I was 14 or 16 and I confronted him as he was about to spank me with a belt or flyswatter I turned around and said NO, I want to move to Mom's. This was very brave on my part as nobody every stood up to Dad. It must have been I was almost 16 because that's when we could legally choose who we lived with. Being free from Dad's strict discipline, control and abuse I become quit rebellious. Mom was a lot easier to get your way with. She was married to another man who drank and smoked/sold marijuana. They also fought quiet often he had a terrible temper especially when their baby daughter was crying. I decided during that time I wouldn't have children for one and I wouldn't be with an abusive husband as I had witnessed Moms misery. I was never taught social skills by my parents and always felt like an outsider and awkward in school and didn't really feel comfortable in my own skin as this is often the case when you've been put down for so long and controlled living in such fear at home. I didn't like living there at Moms either as she would go to sleep crying a lot or you would hear them in the bedroom as the walls were so thin. He left her while I was still staying there and she started working in Dallas leaving me with the baby a lot and responsibilities I wasn't ready for. I dropped out of school soon after that at the beginning of 11th grade I believe it was. I do have great memories of being on the swim team in the 10th or 11th grade that was the best time I had in school. I also did quit well in typing class and Algebra and loved English literature.
I got a job at Super Kmart at the time working as a cashier and soon after met a college student who I started dating, eventually moved in with and after about a year or so we moved to Wichita Falls so he could attend college there as he just graduated from Navarro College. I thought I was in love even though there should've been some red alerts that told me get away he's no good for you those were sensitised by my experiences as not that bad in comparison. I'm pretty sure he was seeing at least one
other woman while we were dating. But I guess I won him over as the candidate for his plans. I didn't see it at the time all I seen was love but as I look back I as just a pawn in his plans to be a US Citizen as he was from nepal here on a scholarship. I tried to keep a job and go to college but I wasn't able to for some reason. I could get jobs so fast I guess I took that for granted and would quit over any little thing I found but I never thought of my personal goals or plans it was all about him. At the time he was my rescuer, my hero, even my god I know that's a terrible thing to say but it was the truth for me at the time in my young adult life. When I was 20 he finished his Bachelors degree and his plans then were to move to Las Vegas and get a job in graphic design and I was going along for the adventure even though secretly I was sad and scared to leave my family behind at the fore front I wanted to get far away from them as they didn't care or need me and their was nothing for me back there anyways. I dreamed of being rich, famous, and successful and in Las Vegas finally decided to go to modeling school that dream ended fast with some reality one the cost was outrageous, two I wasn't tall enough to be a run way model which was their primary training and so three as i'd done on most everything else to this point I quit, dropped out. I was married soon after my 21st bday to my dream man. He was doing well making the money I was still struggling to find my place. I read everything I could get my hands on and started a hobby in the stockmarket spending hours in the library comparing stocks and made a few investments with a small amount of profit. I also tried out timeshare as a realtor and ironically the day after my certification exam that's when 9/11 happened as I was driving to work on las vegas blvd. We were all very hopeless thinking this would crash the market an we wouldn't have any business that with other doubts I constantly had in my mind led to me to quit that job too. I was a salesperson for a newspaper but that was a commission job and I didn't have much drive or motivation, the same for electrolux vaccum sales. My main job was as a waitress during that time. Eventually after catching my dream husband lying to me several times and seeing what was really important to him which was him I knew in my heart I'd never be successful or happy with him so I divorced him and decided a new move is what I needed to Austin, TX. There my goal was to make it big as a Natural Health Consultant. But after searching and searching I ended up with a job as a waitress in a vegetarian small restaurant. I rented a room in a 3 bedroom house shared by the owner of the house and 2 other tenants one was a bubbly, high energy, alcoholic girl she invited me out and I decided to give into the temptation and became an alcoholic binge drinker for a brief time there in my life I was now around 24-25. Drinking was scarry for me and I got off that really fast and after about a year in austin decided another move was the key to my happiness and I found an opportunity to move to Berkeley, CA all I had to do is sale most of my stuff, buy a bus ticket there and I'd have free room/board, a job, and small stipened (allowance). Wow! This sounded great to me. So I began my journey and time studying and living at a Buddhist Ashram and working at Dharma Publishing I was hired on as the accounting assistant after a time of learning all the different areas. They had just switched CEO's from the Burns to the Maitlands and I guess on a relative scale things were going pretty good. I made friends, I felt some inner peace through meditation classes, and felt a sense of pride working and learning a new skill. Actually I learned many new skills there: how to be a friend, get along with different people, how to cook and shop for a group of 30-50, vegetarianism, yoga and meditation, dancing, etc. I had already committed to a year or a 2nd year and then I received a phone call from my 2nd to youngest sister or youngest from my dads children she had visited for a few months and we had formed a close bond and she tells me something that just makes me lose it and completely messes up my peace there to the point I can't continue there I become uncontent and eventually quit I met a man and he promised me all these things it sounded great what ended up happening is I was being drugged and started having hallucinations very scarry stuff. I went home to visit family and while I was gone was told by my mentor what was going on and it seemed to make sense even though I was broken as I thought this guy was real. I didn't know what to do at this point in my life. I ended up moving back to Austin going back to my old landlord and staying with the little money I had but because of the drugs in my system I wasnt thinking right. And then the man with all the answers entered my life once again he was someone who hosted drum circles I'd attended several times and he was looking for a roommate he'd offer free room/board in exchange for help and he'd even teach me massage therapy. I loved massage thereapy and thought I loved him our relationship quickly went from casual to toxic. He was a pot head and very known in austin in the massage and music social circles. I was a nobody who happened to be dating him and he was also twice my age so he was boosted up by that and it kind of made me feel even lower. I went home to visit my family and at this point I'd been smoking just to get the edge off of life and i'd tried committing suicide. I hoped in my heart they'd ask me they'd notice something is not right but instead just the opposite they embraced him and was happy for me. After a time I wouldn't go anywhere and I gained about 20 lbs I was miserable and hated my life. I started working for a phone company and after I got a big check from a research study I did finally made my escape as this man would go looking for me and even found me once or twice. I hated him but as our relationship fed off each others desires I'd go back to him. But, lets jump forward to the point I was homeless in austin prostituting in a sense to get room/board a meal and a shower it was bad. I never called home and asked for help as I didn't think I could or they would help me or even understand what I was going through. I was filled with hate and craziness as doing drugs n living on the street will do to you. I acted in revenge torwards my ex the massage/indian guy and was charged with Burglary and harassment I did some jail time and got out on probation and decided I wasn't going to do it as I didn't have any money to pay the probation fee so I was staying with a friend I met at the phone job he was a nice guy living in a wheel chair and an alcoholic but he helped me so I would hang out with him off and on in a nonsexual friendship which was refreshing at this point. I ended up committing another crime arson in a hookah shop it was a small trash fire as I through a litted cig in there I was arrested and spent 2 ½ years for a 3 years for 2 felony convictions. My main time was spent in Hobby Unit, Marlin, TX. I spent a bit of time in Skyview and that therapy helped me come to terms with reality for the first time in some time as I'd taken to running away when life didn't go my way and doing whatever to feel ok and good. The therapist there really made a difference in my life God bless her. On September 24th, 2009 I accepted Jesus Christ as my Saviour and the next year was baptised on hobby unit in the gym in a baptismal by Pastor Dorsey. I was on the ministry team for a short time and took water to the guest speakers one who I remember was Cheryl Archer she brought dove soap to us on christmas and their was the AA ladies who also taught a class their kindness was remembered they brought us mead notebooks very treasured. Then their was football player Mike Barber Ministry who came and I was chosen for a special leadership meeting with him as the guest speaker to only about 25 out of 1100 woman. At the time I really didn't know how or why I was there but I was delighted as well. I was on fire for God and wanted to know more and serve Him. A lot of healing happened during those times so much healing in me physically I know all those demons that were in me from all my sexual relations were cleaned out and my heart was filled with love and warmth.
If you'd like to read more of my testimony please stay tuned as I'll pick up from here next month please subscribe to receive my monthly newsletter and sign-up online if you have that option or share with your outside friends and family. Make sure to follow me on here and on my fb page for weekly encouragement and resources on faith, family, and finances.
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