From Wonderer to Saved by Grace
books available for purchase on amazon.com or kindle app:
Freedom Behind Bars and Following God by Kimberly Fincher
Kim Fincher's Personal Testimony
Their's
many ways or details that I could add or edit from my personal story
so today will be a unique tale of my experiences some before and some
after I was saved and accepted Jesus Christ as my Personal Lord and
Saviour either way know that was the decision that changed my whole
life and why I'm sending this letter out to you today so all credit
of my present life goes to Christ who redeemed me, saved me and gave
me a new life.
I
am 35 born 9-27-1979 in Athens, TX which is 45 min from where I live
now in Corsicana, TX. I didn't grow up in a Christian home that went
to church. At a young age I did go to a church briefly as a friend of
my grandmother would take us and she would attend sometimes too I
think but I chose to stop going stating that it was boring n the kids
were mean. My parents did have a tradition of saying a bed time
prayer it wasn't personal just memorized and my Dad made us pray
before eating for a brief time I believe but that wasn't at all a
pleasant memory. My parents divorced when I was 12 before then their
were lots of violent fights with yelling, cussing, hitting, and
screaming we would be told to go to our rooms during these times. My
dad was an alcoholic at the time who would be abusive during his
drunkenness. My mom didn't get custody of us so we were forced to
live with my Dad which I hated at the time and I felt that my mom
didn't love us and abandoned us. My dad stopped drinking at some
point but he continued to spank us up until I was 14 or 16 and I
confronted him as he was about to spank me with a belt or flyswatter
I turned around and said NO, I want to move to Mom's. This was very
brave on my part as nobody every stood up to Dad. It must have been I
was almost 16 because that's when we could legally choose who we
lived with. Being free from Dad's strict discipline, control and
abuse I become quit rebellious. Mom was a lot easier to get your way
with. She was married to another man who drank and smoked/sold
marijuana. They also fought quiet often he had a terrible temper
especially when their baby daughter was crying. I decided during that
time I wouldn't have children for one and I wouldn't be with an
abusive husband as I had witnessed Moms misery. I was never taught
social skills by my parents and always felt like an outsider and
awkward in school and didn't really feel comfortable in my own skin
as this is often the case when you've been put down for so long and
controlled living in such fear at home. I didn't like living there at
Moms either as she would go to sleep crying a lot or you would hear
them in the bedroom as the walls were so thin. He left her while I
was still staying there and she started working in Dallas leaving me
with the baby a lot and responsibilities I wasn't ready for. I
dropped out of school soon after that at the beginning of 11th
grade I believe it was. I do have great memories of being on the swim
team in the 10th or 11th grade that was the
best time I had in school. I also did quit well in typing class and
Algebra and loved English literature.
I
got a job at Super Kmart at the time working as a cashier and soon
after met a college student who I started dating, eventually moved in
with and after about a year or so we moved to Wichita Falls so he
could attend college there as he just graduated from Navarro College.
I thought I was in love even though there should've been some red
alerts that told me get away he's no good for you those were
sensitised by my experiences as not that bad in comparison. I'm
pretty sure he was seeing at least one
other
woman while we were dating. But I guess I won him over as the
candidate for his plans. I didn't see it at the time all I seen was
love but as I look back I as just a pawn in his plans to be a US
Citizen as he was from nepal here on a scholarship. I tried to keep a
job and go to college but I wasn't able to for some reason. I could
get jobs so fast I guess I took that for granted and would quit over
any little thing I found but I never thought of my personal goals or
plans it was all about him. At the time he was my rescuer, my hero,
even my god I know that's a terrible thing to say but it was the
truth for me at the time in my young adult life. When I was 20 he
finished his Bachelors degree and his plans then were to move to Las
Vegas and get a job in graphic design and I was going along for the
adventure even though secretly I was sad and scared to leave my
family behind at the fore front I wanted to get far away from them as
they didn't care or need me and their was nothing for me back there
anyways. I dreamed of being rich, famous, and successful and in Las
Vegas finally decided to go to modeling school that dream ended fast
with some reality one the cost was outrageous, two I wasn't tall
enough to be a run way model which was their primary training and so
three as i'd done on most everything else to this point I quit,
dropped out. I was married soon after my 21st bday to my
dream man. He was doing well making the money I was still struggling
to find my place. I read everything I could get my hands on and
started a hobby in the stockmarket spending hours in the library
comparing stocks and made a few investments with a small amount of
profit. I also tried out timeshare as a realtor and ironically the
day after my certification exam that's when 9/11 happened as I was
driving to work on las vegas blvd. We were all very hopeless thinking
this would crash the market an we wouldn't have any business that
with other doubts I constantly had in my mind led to me to quit that
job too. I was a salesperson for a newspaper but that was a
commission job and I didn't have much drive or motivation, the same
for electrolux vaccum sales. My main job was as a waitress during
that time. Eventually after catching my dream husband lying to me
several times and seeing what was really important to him which was
him I knew in my heart I'd never be successful or happy with him so I
divorced him and decided a new move is what I needed to Austin, TX.
There my goal was to make it big as a Natural Health Consultant. But
after searching and searching I ended up with a job as a waitress in
a vegetarian small restaurant. I rented a room in a 3 bedroom house
shared by the owner of the house and 2 other tenants one was a
bubbly, high energy, alcoholic girl she invited me out and I decided
to give into the temptation and became an alcoholic binge drinker for
a brief time there in my life I was now around 24-25. Drinking was
scarry for me and I got off that really fast and after about a year
in austin decided another move was the key to my happiness and I
found an opportunity to move to Berkeley, CA all I had to do is sale
most of my stuff, buy a bus ticket there and I'd have free
room/board, a job, and small stipened (allowance). Wow! This sounded
great to me. So I began my journey and time studying and living at a
Buddhist Ashram and working at Dharma Publishing I was hired on as
the accounting assistant after a time of learning all the different
areas. They had just switched CEO's from the Burns to the Maitlands
and I guess on a relative scale things were going pretty good. I made
friends, I felt some inner peace through meditation classes, and felt
a sense of pride working and learning a new skill. Actually I learned
many new skills there: how to be a friend, get along with different
people, how to cook and shop for a group of 30-50, vegetarianism,
yoga and meditation, dancing, etc. I had already committed to a year
or a 2nd year and then I received a phone call from my 2nd
to youngest sister or youngest from my dads children she had visited
for a few months and we had formed a close bond and she tells me
something that just makes me lose it and completely messes up my
peace there to the point I can't continue there I become uncontent
and eventually quit I met a man and he promised me all these things
it sounded great what ended up happening is I was being drugged and
started having hallucinations very scarry stuff. I went home to visit
family and while I was gone was told by my mentor what was going on
and it seemed to make sense even though I was broken as I thought
this guy was real. I didn't know what to do at this point in my life.
I ended up moving back to Austin going back to my old landlord and
staying with the little money I had but because of the drugs in my
system I wasnt thinking right. And then the man with all the answers
entered my life once again he was someone who hosted drum circles I'd
attended several times and he was looking for a roommate he'd offer
free room/board in exchange for help and he'd even teach me massage
therapy. I loved massage thereapy and thought I loved him our
relationship quickly went from casual to toxic. He was a pot head and
very known in austin in the massage and music social circles. I was a
nobody who happened to be dating him and he was also twice my age so
he was boosted up by that and it kind of made me feel even lower. I
went home to visit my family and at this point I'd been smoking just
to get the edge off of life and i'd tried committing suicide. I hoped
in my heart they'd ask me they'd notice something is not right but
instead just the opposite they embraced him and was happy for me.
After a time I wouldn't go anywhere and I gained about 20 lbs I was
miserable and hated my life. I started working for a phone company
and after I got a big check from a research study I did finally made
my escape as this man would go looking for me and even found me once
or twice. I hated him but as our relationship fed off each others
desires I'd go back to him. But, lets jump forward to the point I was
homeless in austin prostituting in a sense to get room/board a meal
and a shower it was bad. I never called home and asked for help as I
didn't think I could or they would help me or even understand what I
was going through. I was filled with hate and craziness as doing
drugs n living on the street will do to you. I acted in revenge
torwards my ex the massage/indian guy and was charged with Burglary
and harassment I did some jail time and got out on probation and
decided I wasn't going to do it as I didn't have any money to pay the
probation fee so I was staying with a friend I met at the phone job
he was a nice guy living in a wheel chair and an alcoholic but he
helped me so I would hang out with him off and on in a nonsexual
friendship which was refreshing at this point. I ended up committing
another crime arson in a hookah shop it was a small trash fire as I
through a litted cig in there I was arrested and spent 2 ½ years for
a 3 years for 2 felony convictions. My main time was spent in Hobby
Unit, Marlin, TX. I spent a bit of time in Skyview and that therapy
helped me come to terms with reality for the first time in some time
as I'd taken to running away when life didn't go my way and doing
whatever to feel ok and good. The therapist there really made a
difference in my life God bless her. On September 24th,
2009 I accepted Jesus Christ as my Saviour and the next year was
baptised on hobby unit in the gym in a baptismal by Pastor Dorsey. I
was on the ministry team for a short time and took water to the guest
speakers one who I remember was Cheryl Archer she brought dove soap
to us on christmas and their was the AA ladies who also taught a
class their kindness was remembered they brought us mead notebooks
very treasured. Then their was football player Mike Barber Ministry
who came and I was chosen for a special leadership meeting with him
as the guest speaker to only about 25 out of 1100 woman. At the time
I really didn't know how or why I was there but I was delighted as
well. I was on fire for God and wanted to know more and serve Him. A
lot of healing happened during those times so much healing in me
physically I know all those demons that were in me from all my sexual
relations were cleaned out and my heart was filled with love and
warmth.
If you'd like to read more of my testimony please stay tuned
as I'll pick up from here next month please subscribe to receive my
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books available for purchase on amazon.com or kindle app:
Freedom Behind Bars and Following God by Kimberly Fincher
